my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
