Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
