I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
