I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
