I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
