If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
