Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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