i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
