he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
