Acid is not a monday night drug
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
