I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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