I puked a lego.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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