glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
