she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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