she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
