please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
