I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
