He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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