Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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