Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
