At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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