Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
