at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just threw up on my dentist
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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