i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
