I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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