Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
