We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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