So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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