My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
