So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
