I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
