help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
