No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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