I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
