? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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