i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
