thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
