Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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