Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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