yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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