Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
