So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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