I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
