He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
