You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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