guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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