Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
