Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
