You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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