i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
