She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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