Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize