I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
