The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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