R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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