I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
