lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
