Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is Oprah even human
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize