I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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