I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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