I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
