At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
high people should be assigned attendants
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
