i barfeds in our rink
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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