Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
