i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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