Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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