i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
