LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
