i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
