Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
