if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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