I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
