Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
